Welcome To Freedom

Fairy-Ality

Thu, 26 May 2011 22:31:50 +0800

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Drama + Deconstruction

Mon, 28 Mar 2011 22:14:23 +0800

Two words that are seemingly prevalent to our surroundings right now; perhaps personally or globally, or both.

Drama
Something I wrote in Feb 2010:

Got Drama?
What's it giving you? What does your drama, be it: health, money or relationship issues; not loving life, not loving yourself or having writer’s block GIVE you?
Take a deep breath and look at it from another point of view. What does Your drama give you?

Still as relevant as when I wrote it.
Everything in my life is here because I made a choice. There is no blame in that, only taking responsibility as the creator of my life. If I’m not responsible, if I blame myself or others, then I feel that sends out a message to all of my being saying, “I’m not a real creator, because somebody else has put this shitty or difficult situation here.” Likewise if I give thanks to others for something that I created, that sends the same message: “I’m not a real creator, because these blessings have come from somewhere outside of me.”
I’ll repeat: Everything in my life is here because I made a choice. To breathe with that, to accept it and to live it is a true blessing! It means I can make new choices! Whatever I want.
Choices are made out a desire to have a specific experience. Sometimes consciously, sometimes not. When I have something in my life that I don’t particularly like or enjoy (eg: drama) I ask, “What is this experience giving me? Do I want to continue this experience, or am I ready for a new choice?”
Sometimes answers never come, and that’s fine...though a little infuriating to my mind which likes to “understand” : )
It’s about accepting my current situation, recognising my choice to experience it, and exercising my prerogative to make a new choice if I want to.

Deconstruction
In my own personal experience of Awakening it took me a long time to accept the deconstruction. It took me longer to realise something flamingly obvious: from the ashes we build anew.
Things personally or globally deconstruct because they are old, unserving and unsuitable for the New Energy which we are now in. Sometimes you have to take something apart in order to rebuild it in perfect form. This is not a bad thing. “Bad” “Good” - they’re just labels!
For me, it was necessary to be shook to my core. Shaky. Shaky. Shaky. Getting rid of the built up Makyo (bullshit). I needed to be stripped bear of my structures and identities in order to finally surrender to my True Self. In talking to like-hearted friends I’ve discovered that I wasn’t alone in choosing the “extreme” route.
In MY total deconstruction zone, ground zero, I was able to reconnect with parts of me that’d been separated for a long time. This experience forced me to begin truly letting go of the old, so that I could rebuild : )
If your house is demolished in a storm and you have to rebuild it, would you do it exactly as it was? Or would you upgrade? Over time, I upgraded : )
Such extremes are not needed for everyone, I was simply in a very stuck, stagnant place and a big shake up was the best and most efficient way to get energies flowing again.

Last year my friend spoke to me about a dream she’d had. She was in a building with friends of hers when the whole building started collapsing. It fell around her, tumbling and crumbling, knocking down those she’d been there with, but never knocking her down. In fact, she hadn’t been hit at all. A little shaken, but not injured.
Speaking from a place very deep within me, I said, “See, things can fall apart without you getting hurt.”
Then we looked at each other, both impressed by my words and said, “Wow!” : )
It is easy to make a choice of how you want things in your life to change. Effortless, easy and painless, or the opposite extreme? I’ve now experienced both and the first is definitely preferable. : )

New Home

Sat, 26 Mar 2011 13:53:05 +0800

I’ve known for a long time that I would soon be moving house...now the date has been set! Last night I was stuck by a wave of sadness. Sadness to be leaving this home I’m currently in because, well, it’s my home! And because it’s the only home I’ve known since moving to Australia eight and a half years ago.
These saddened parts of me didn’t want to move to the new apartment because I felt like it’s not a home, it’s just a place to stay...for now. I think that some of this sadness is for the closing of a chapter. It’s time for me to move on. Literally, figuratively and in every way. I am ready and have been asking for change. I have been choosing expansion.
I allowed myself to shed some tears - a brilliant form of release. Then I breathed and integrated home those parts of me that were triggered by my pending move, by the feeling of time running out and by the feeling of being without a home.
Then a voice from within sent me a reminder of something that I’d written not even two weeks ago: a collection of short stories for children, about a young boy who talks to and seeks advice from his soul. They’re short and very simple - like children themselves. No bullshit, just free and easy to receive. When writing them I did have the feeling that I was writing to myself. I was telling myself these simple stories, cutting through all the red tape that the mind provides and expressing a simple message.
One of these stories was about Marney, the young boy, moving to a new home. He also didn’t want to go! Coincidence? I think not : )
This story is the second of the collection.

I kind of laughed when I remembered this story. I breathed and integrated some more, and today I’m feeling better. Still not overly thrilled by the new apartment, I feel my time there will be fleeting. I have a real feeling of change right now. It was chosen by me and is welcome, but on its way into my life it has been triggering me. This I find natural and a blessing, because it means I can clear the old and truly embrace the new. Whatever that may be.
❤

Home Alone

Fri, 25 Mar 2011 21:12:09 +0800

I’ve been home alone in a rather large house for just over a week now. It’s not the first time. I remember one time maybe two years ago I wrote a song in my mind to help me get to sleep, because I was easily seduced by my minds voice talking like the boogey-man; and, well, because I’m good at making up songs! It was called It’ll Be Morning Soon.
I was afraid of hearing noises in the dark of night, and afraid of someone walking into my room...I could easily envision my door opening. I was afraid that they weren’t simply after property, but that they were after me. Kidnap or rape or abuse of some kind. Where do these thoughts/questions/fears come from?
Part of them aren’t mine: they’re just mass consciousness, but if I claim them on as my own they sure feel real. Part is my past lives’ memories, traumas and experiences being triggered; and the rest is my mind acting on those triggers.
Along time ago I integrated the parts of me who had been hurt and abused and burglarised. But the other night, still feeling vulnerable and tossing up whether or not to wedge my door shut from the inside (which I don’t like to do because I feel it sends out a message to my whole being saying ‘I don’t trust you’) I really began to look at this. In the darkness I stared at the back of my door...why do I expect it open? I realised it was about trust. About truly not trusting other people to be with me, in case they do something bad or mean or scary. Not trusting what they might do. And not trusting that they won’t overpower my own choices to be safe etc...and if somewhere within I still believe that I could be “overpowered”, then I don’t yet trust myself.
So, what to do? Well, first of all I was pleased with this revelation. Pleased that I’d been honest and open with myself and gone deeper than before. You can’t fix the problem if you don’t know what the problem is, right?
I breathed and breathed and I made a decision to integrate those past life (and this life) traumas of mine which triggered my lack of trust. I brought them home within me.
Did this change this? Yes, it definitely did! The intensity of that image of someone pushing open my door whilst I watch helplessly, diminished. Now, if there at all, it’s just an image, it has no depth, no fear triggers. The last two nights have been much better. I feel almost nonchalant when going to sleep, perhaps because I’m just not going there, into that fear space...because the triggers to do so are gone!
It’s been good for me to truly look at this head-on, instead of ignoring and pushing it to the back all the time. Here’s to a peaceful slumber!

I Am That I Am

Fri, 25 Mar 2011 14:18:40 +0800

I Am That I Am is hard to define. I’ve heard many explanations. For me, someone who likes to know the dictionary meaning, I once looked up this up online and found that in a passage from history I Am That I Am is how God referred to him/herself. I Am Grand. I Am Simplicity. I Am Love. I Am All. I Am Everything.
This poem encapsulates what it is to be the grand master of your life. A sovereign human-angel complete unto yourself. It is so eloquent and effortless. The words flow so naturally and make much sense because, to me, they are truthful.
This is one of my favourites : )